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| Thursday, July 3rd, 2008 | | 10:02 am |
More on my brother's, uhm, 'accident'... ....first off I should explain that he ran into the back of an old geezer at a roundabout, BASH, easy mistake to make.. I've done it, my Dad's done it, you may well have done it too, when you think someone in front of you has pulled off, it's busy, so you've got your head craned over your shoulder looking to the right.. but what's actually happened is that someone starts pulling off, but inexplicably stops a few feet later. "You're the second police officer to run into me," the old geezer says, but sees how it happened and is really good to him, saying in his statement, "the sun was very low in the sky (it was 13:00) and I think it must have dazzled the young officer.." THen, the second time, he had the inspector in the car, and went up a roundabout and flattened a sign. But the inspector turned a blind eye.. But most recently, he gets called down this estate in Washington I believe, in darkest Newcastle-upon-Tyne, where this bunch of scallys are getting pissed and causing a rucus. He heads down there with a colleague and shifts them on... and there was one cocky bastard who was really getting on his tits.. ( Read more... ) | | Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008 | | 10:04 am |
My brother's crashed his second police car. First time he drove on top of a roundabout and pulled the exhaust off and crushed a roadsign, but the sergeant just waved him on.
But this time, he said he was too embarressed to tell me what happened. And he's been suspended from driving!
There's only room for one motorist in this family.
Mind you, he's never been much of an enthusiast.. when his old Escort needed some oil, he filled it up all right - to the brim of the oil filler neck! The OHV engine didn't like that very much.
Then he bought an Escort XR3i, which blew a head gasket, which he got fixed, then one day he was driving home when the water temp gauge started creeping up. Well, he just keeps driving doesn't he, and the engine seizes up. £800 down the drain.
At least he's a better copper than he is a motorist. Although people keeping dying when he's on duty. He always gets called to suicides and murders and, for the second time, he's brought a pissed up bloke home, dropped him off, and then received a call about a sudden death.... at the house he was just at.
Shipman his colleagues call him. But the first time it happened the bloke had something like six times the amount of alcohol in his system considered to be a lethal dose. They dropped him off, had a chuckle with his Mum (the guy was 35 or something) about being brought back home by the coppers... then two hours later he'd died.
Quick thinking Mum called the IPCC and claimed my brother had taken him in dead, as in brought a corpse two miles across town in a van, then banged on the front door and thrown said body at her feet and said "not our problem love" and marched away again!
That's Sunderland for you. | | Monday, June 30th, 2008 | | 2:04 pm |
Guess who's getting their hair cut short.
..no, not me.
Ruthie, right now, is having the snippings. I can't tell you how excited I am. | | 1:19 pm |
Aaawww, prenty dorrar. ..on Friday I did nothing apart from play TES IV: Oblivion until my eyes melted and I passed out. Then I woke up and played some more. THen I went to bed. THen I got up and played some more. What a game. On Saturday night I went to a posh charity dinner with me Mum to raise money for the facilities and types of care they want more of at Arthur Rank House. She bought me a dinner suit for £130, proper James Bond like, and I drove down there. ( Read more... )On Sunday I went to Barlow to see my friendies, and I brought Roof, and we climbed on high and ran down low on the old burial mounds, hid in the woods, climbed a tree and gave Roof a piggy back down a hill which almost went terribly wrong. Then we thrashed it back to Cambridge, man, the Capri holds the road so seriously well its unreal, nothing I've driven takes corners better, you can really throw it around, it's like being on rails. But big fun rubbery rails that are layed wherever you care to drive. I'm leaking gearbox oil again though. But who cares, after the problems I've sorted out on it, an oil leak seems almost like some sort of reward. I forgot how excellent it feels when all components and systems are working well together. I shod my expensive tyres the other day too. Next I've got to get a custom-made downpipe done from the exhaust manifold and lead it behind the front wheel and just outside, then build an exhaust down the sill of the car, kit-car stylee. In a couple of weeks, that'll be done, then the arches will be fitted, then the tyres, then I can think about what I want next. It's the gift that keeps on giving. | | Friday, June 27th, 2008 | | 3:00 pm |
These are the words I never want to hear ever again.
"Hi, I'm 24 weeks pregnent and I was told I can get a house now?" | | Thursday, June 26th, 2008 | | 11:51 am |
Since petrol is so expensive.. ..I took my bigger carburettor and a spare inlet manifold down to the workshop today to be machined out. The Weber 38DGAS should be able to squeeze another 5-10 horses out of the engine.. and a bit more torque. Who cares about the economy when you're sliding around a corner at 40mph with tyre smoke coming off the wheels. And who cares about climate change when people think the best solution to it is to buy a new "clean" car which runs on biofuel grown on farmland needed for food, or is mass-produced by robots on an automated line in some far away country and then shipped in inside the belly of a superfreighter which goes through tonnes of oil in a single day. And who cares about that so long as we're using all our oil fueling tanks, aircraft carriers, planes, missiles and rockets fighting people we've never met in a war with a country we've never been to. ( Read more... ) | | Thursday, June 19th, 2008 | | 9:19 am |
Ruth made me a cake yesterday, with all M&Ms on. She's good that Ruth. | | Wednesday, May 28th, 2008 | | 10:30 am |
Today's featured article ..the HMS Coventry and Broadsword under attack. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Coventry_%28D118%29"of their six bombs, only one managed to hit the Broadsword in the face of intense fire, including small arms. This bomb bounced off the sea near the stern, passed through the side of the ship and up through the flight deck, tearing the nose off the Westland Lynx HAS.Mk.2helicopter in the process and starting a fire. The bomb continued up and away from the ship, landing in the sea nearby." That must have been a hairy moment. | | Friday, May 23rd, 2008 | | 10:00 am |
No, try it, put it in the microwave for like 10 seconds... it's lovely man..
..said Steve as I tried to make a croissant. Well I foolishly listened to him. I should have suspected when 10 seconds turned into much longer, but I persisted... and ended up with an article not unlike soggy, hot, butter flavoured tissues.
I wouldn't recommend it. | | Thursday, May 22nd, 2008 | | 11:46 am |
Am I the only one confused by this.. .. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7414226.stm"Armel Gnango, 17, said he let off a couple of shots into the air to scare the other youth off. He was found guilty of murder, attempted murder and possessing a gun to endanger life." Then.. lower down.. "Gnango, whose gun did not fire the fatal bullet, said he shot at the other youth to "scare him off"." Did not fire the fatal bullet? Who did then? He definitely did not murder her? So why the charge? | | 9:21 am |
I feel great today. ..I've started writing again, after putting it off for a couple of months. I'd cleared my computer a couple of days ago, then put it off for a few days more and then, last night, sat down with all my notes began the process of re-reading it and editing it according to my notes. It's dodge, the old rereading and editing, I ruined a 200 side sci-fi novel by doing that, but the notes I wrote last month are designed to keep me in check. I aint never written any notes before, I've never felt the need.. But I've never, ever, finished anything I've written either, and I've been writing ever since I could hold a pen, so I thought it was time for a new method. I'm already up to 280 sides with this one... and the closest I've ever come to finishing a novel. The characters are a mean bunch of cunts and trying to get them to do what they should is entirely subject to what they're like and how they're feeling. Some are more reliable than others, but headscratchers included this time when one of them was most unhappy, and full of rage, and he didn't go about his normal set of tasks, quite the opposite, and instead of doing what I wanted, he almost killed one of the other main characters, something I'd never envisaged happening. They do something befitting their mood and character at the time. I can put them in situations, I have built a world for them, but I can't predict their actions. That's good though, they interact well and always turn up where they're needed when it matters.. and sometimes when it doesn't. That's why I wrote the notes, to make sure everything's indirectly or otherwise coverging more or less where I want it. But aye, woke up this morning feeling really, really good, better than I have done in months, like the brain is online again and processing. In a couple of months I should have finished the mother, actually finished something, for once. Touch wood. SHouldn't think about it too much, just write it. Current Mood:  great | | Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 | | 9:23 am |
I never want to see beer or mead or cider or cheese or prawns again. ..went to the beer festival yesterday with Ruth. Eugh. Feel terrible. I drank stouts. Sorry I'll try and be more cohesive. Loads of people appeared down there, Caz, Leem, Russel (like a bush), Jimmy, Lawrence, Mickey, Mark, JRR Tolkien and loads of others.. the fake Me was there too and all the olde goths of course and their paramilitary getup in capacity of stewards.. Beers. Mmmmmmmmm. My favourite is, and you'd be forgiven but WRONG to think less of me, was rasberry stout. No, I know what you're thinking, but no, it wasn't a crazy fruit one, it was just an amazingly nice stout, like oat stout, but oat stout with a lovely rounded curve in its taste. Couldn't taste any rasberry at all. And a mild which wasn't mild at 6.7%. Then me and Ruth thought we were being clever by spending the last of our money on a bottle of mead. Well, that went in an unexpectedly short time and then a terrible drunkenness overtook us. Staggered home, Ruth passed out on the bathroom floor, but I, in a sudden decadent impulse, sat myself at the table, got brie, stilton, cheddar, prawns, feta cheese, tomatoes and a few slices of homemade bread and ate myself into oblivion. Oh that's another beer I had, Oblivion. Not as good as the stout though. I only drank it because it reminded me of the Elder Scrolls. It wasn't as good as that, either. Well anyway, I threw it all up again about five minutes later, had a cup of tea, then went to bed. Which reminds me, have you seen that advert for not binge drinking? You know, "A night to remember?" and "A night to forget?" Yeah, you know the one. Well, have you noticed that in "a night to forget", that the worst situation the makers could think might reasonably happen is that you might be lairy in a pub, then get a kebab, square up to a mate and get mayonaisse on your teeshirt, not be picked up by a taxi driver, break your key in the door AND have to sleep on your doorstep? THat's stupid. And just a series of unfortunate, but petty events, not a cataclysmic happening which would put you off getting pissed. Where's the blood? The being kicked to death? Where's the shitting yourself? That's the ingredients to an advert with impact! Shit and blood and a kicking. In fact, it would be good to see the viewer represented as a childish toilet that can't make any decisions for itself taking thousands of pills and drinking a hundred pints of strong lager as it shoots up with heroin and bees sick into itself whilst holding up an off liscence with a gun and being battered by police and then bumraped in prison and made to eat faecal matter. There's your advert. "Drinking is a faecal matter" they'd say at the end. Current Mood:  not bad | | Monday, May 19th, 2008 | | 2:32 pm |
Movie quote quiz answers.. you useless bunch.
Well Vyvyan gets to not be bum raped with 12pts, Ruth gets to put a good case across to her rapist with 9pts, but might still be bummed if he's feeling like it. Everyone else best get hold of some Anusol. It soothes and protects.
Answers..
1: "I'm reloading man! I'm reloading! OK! You better get ready, here I come! Here come da pain!"
SCARFACE, Tony Montana in the bathroom of the snooker hall, trying to convince his assailants that he has more bullets.
2. "Twin overhead cam, phase IV heads, 600hp through the wheels. Shut the door on this one, it's the ducks guts."
MAD MAX, Jim the Goose, in the underground garage, describing the satin black Ford Falcon.
3. "You a good cop, hot shot? Sure you are. You must be some kinda.. great cop.. comin here all by yourself.. Where's your partner?"
ROBOCOP, Clarence Boddicker, pushing Murphy for information before they gun him down.
4. "Alright!? 6 cylinders, 140bhp, standing to sixty in less than seven seconds. That is a class car."
SHOPPING, Monkey to Beebop at the illegal cruise.
5. "The castle ARRGH. Our quest is at an end."
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL, King Arthur at the end of their journey (well done Vyv)
6. "The outer walls are solid rock, but for a small culvert at its base."
LORD OF THE WINGS: THE TWO TOWELS Wormtongue to Saruman as they plan the attack on Helm's Deep (well done Vyv and Roofio)
7. "Printing's your business eh? Plumbing's mine; thirty years, man and boy! I put every goddamn pipe in this neighbourhood! Look at my knees!"
ERASERHEAD, when Henry goes for dinner at his girlfriends parents.
8. "Now now, don't you worry, heh heh heh, you wont feel a thing, Ol' grandpa's the finest damn killer there ever was."
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, Leatherface's brother to the only survivor, as she is tied up in the dining room awaiting death (well done Roof).
9. "It is your killer instict that must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. If it is is not, then you will fail in the moment of truth. Then you will become dead marine. Then you will be in a world of shit. Because marines are not allowed to die without permission."
FULL METAL JACKET, Sergeant Hartman, talking to the trainees as Pyle is going slowly mad.
10. "No. The shortest distance between two points is... nothing."
EVENT HORIZON, Dr. Weir, explaning the theory behind his gravity drive.
11. "This is it.. this is how it ends. You're lying there and.. and I'm standing right here and I say.. something. I say... Everything has a beginning a middle and an end."
THE MATRIX: REVOLUTIONS, Agent Smith standing over Neo before he attempts to assimilate him.
12. "Mad Dog Coll's coming over to get paid. When he walks in, put him on ice."
MOBSTERS, Ferenzano talking to his heavy about what to do with their wildcard hitman.
13. "Silicon valley. Perfect. Hold position here. The greatest cataclysm in history."
JAMES BOND: A VIEW TO A KILL, Max Zorin as the three of them are hovering over silicon valley before the bomb(s) go off (good one Vyv, didn't think anyone would get that).
14. "Your bargaining posture is highly dubious, but very well. I will present you with a new body, and new troops to command."
TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE (1983), Unicron to the damaged, but still very MANIACAL Megatron (good one Nicolai)
15. "I don't know how you behaved down in Records, but this is Information Retrieval! Look at this mess! Queries from accounts concerning missing cheques? Piles of receipts? Unsigned paperwork? An empty desk is an effecient desk! Dammit Lowery! That fleet of personnel carriers is still unaccounted for!"
BRAZIL.. whoops and I can't actually remember the guy's name, slating Lowery for being late and arriving with a black eye.
16. "I love listening to your little piss ant soldiers trying to talk tough. If Matrix was here, he'd laugh too."
COMMANDO, Bennett talking to Valasquez about his private army
17. "These are new, we just got them in. Pull the slide back, rest your finger on the trigger and put the red dot where you want the bomb to go. Can't miss."
THE TERMINATOR, gun store owner, handing over a AMT Hardballer ".45 longslide with laser sighting."
18. "Stop, no, that's the second album I ever bought!"
SHAUN OF THE DEAD, Shaun to both his housemate at "four in the fuckin morning!", or, if you're feeling different and like you need an alternative, his mate outside when they're trying to kill the zombies (ching ching Roof)
19. "Yo. Stop your grinnin and drop your linen. Found em. Over at the processing station.. sub level 3.. under the main cooling towers."
ALIENS, Hudson in the control room, letting everyone know he's found the colonists (well done again to Vyvyan).
20. "I know I'm human. And if you were all these things then you'd just attack me right now, so some of you are still human. This thing has to hide, that's how it survives, but it's vulnerable out in the open. We're gonna find out who's who."
THE THING, Kurt Russell (McReady) about to relate his plan to set fire to some blood and endanger everyone's life. (well guessed Roof!) | | 11:55 am |
GTA IV. Good, but not all that. ..my mate bought it a few weeks ago, so I've been round to get stuck in and see if it's worth the money. There are lots and lots of good things about GTA IV. The graphics are great, all dirty and greasy, the cars are nice and heavy and the damage is done well, fire is good, the cover system is OK, the missions are excellent, the characters are good and, well, it's Rockstar, so there's all the usual Rockstar humour and darkness and polish, like getting pissed and trying to walk around, tripping over things and falling over into other pedestrians, or using a helicopters rotor blades to cut swathes of people out of the way... But it's got some unnacceptable downsides. Reviewers everywhere mentioned things like hearing interference on played music when the main character gets an incoming call - cor! they said, it's so much like real life I'm scared to die in case I really die. My good Christ, they said, this is the best game anyone's ever made in the history of the world. They came in their pants, everyone went insane writing about how staggeringly exceptional GTA IV was and that it was so close to being like life that it was literally impossible to tell the difference between your HD telly and a window looking out onto a violent altercation in the lower east side of New York. But it's not. ( Read more... ) Current Mood: not bad | | 9:15 am |
Sometimes words mean what they're supposed to. ..when I said in one of my previous entries about how I was freaked out because my mates were all going away, getting married, doing courses, getting houses, moving etc etc I didn't mean for a second that I was freaked out because I wasn't doing any of that! The only thing I'm bothered about is looking up from my novel or my engine bay one day and realising all my mates have pissed off. Because I'd miss them. I'm quite happy where I am, writing and driving and having fun, and I don't want to change anything, at least until my novel is finished. Not including worn out parts on the beastie of course. But such is text, our factual friend, and his inability to relate emotion or nuance of tone without another sentence to do so. Maybe I should start using the gay emoticons again. Eurgh. Yes, that could be the only option. Current Mood:  not bad | | Friday, May 16th, 2008 | | 2:40 pm |
| | 1:14 pm |
Movie quote quiz
..OK cunties, name the film for one point, name the character for a second point.. and for a bonus point, give me the situation.
For instance, "Gotta hand it to ya trash, last of the V8 interceptors. Piece of history. Would have been a pity to blow it up."
Would be, "Mad Max 2, the disabled mechanic, as they're hauling the Falcon into the refinery" Would be a full 3 point answer.
If you win you get to not be bum raped. I dunno. Anyway here we go... comments screeened..
1: "I'm reloading man! I'm reloading! OK! You better get ready, here I come! Here come da pain!"
2. "Twin overhead cam, phase IV heads, 600hp through the wheels. Shut the door on this one, it's the ducks guts."
3. "You a good cop, hot shot? Sure you are. You must be some kinda.. great cop.. comin here all by yourself.. Where's your partner?"
4. "Alright!? 6 cylinders, 140bhp, standing to sixty in less than seven seconds. That is a class car."
5. "The castle ARRGH. Our quest is at an end."
6. "The outer walls are solid rock, but for a small culvert at its base."
7. "Printing's your business eh? Plumbing's mine; thirty years, man and boy! I put every goddamn pipe in this neighbourhood! Look at my knees!"
8. "Now now, don't you worry, heh heh heh, you wont feel a thing, Ol' grandpa's the finest damn killer there ever was."
9. "It is you killer instict that must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. If it is is not, then you will fail in the moment of truth. Then you will become dead marine. Then you will be in a world of shit. Because marines are not allowed to die without permission."
10. "No. The shortest distance between two points is... nothing."
11. "This is it.. this is how it ends. You're lying there and.. and I'm standing right here and I say.. something. I say... Everything has a beginning a middle and an end."
12. "Mad Dog Coll's coming over to get paid. When he walks in, put him on ice."
13. "Silicon valley. Perfect. Hold position here. The greatest cataclysm in history."
14. "Your bargaining posture is highly dubious, but very well. I will present you with a new body, and new troops to command."
15. "I don't know how you behaved down in Records, but this is Information Retrieval! Look at this mess! Queries from accounts concerning missing cheques? Piles of receipts? Unsigned paperwork? An empty desk is an effecient desk! Dammit Lowery! That fleet of personnel carriers is still unaccounted for!"
16. "I love listening to your little piss ant soldiers trying to talk tough. If Matrix was here, he'd laugh too."
17. "These are new, we just got them in. Pull the slide back, rest your finger on the trigger and put the red dot where you want the bomb to go. Can't miss."
18. "Stop, no, that's the second album I ever bought!"
19. "Yo. Stop your grinnin and drop your linen. Found em. Over at the processing station.. sub level 3.. under the main cooling towers."
20. "I know I'm human. And if you were all these things then you'd just attack me right now, so some of you are still human. This thing has to hide, that's how it survives, but it's vulnerable out in the open. We're gonna find out who's who." | | 10:05 am |
Little by little I'm losing my love for you.. ..I was going to start the beginning of the end of my novel yesterday, but Liam said ALE so instead I went out with him. Didn't eat anything so got trashed on not much, Ruth came then immediately left again for her dad's place and his birthday. Then Caz came with Luke and more drinking happened. I remembered why rum and coke was so nice. It was raining so we sat in an umbrella city like some crazy urban rainforest canopy in the garden of the Empress. I made joints. Liam activated his self-teleport and beamed himself away, but transported Jimmy into his location at the same time so seamlessly replaced his presence and maintained cosmic balance. I entered the twilight moments of drunkeness and ranted about haggis and potatos and swede and other root vegetables and tried to make people come and eat haggis, but I didn't even make it myself and instead went around Ruth's dads and gave him flowers I'd stolen minutes before, then ate chocolate tart with cream, then walked into a door. Then I left. My car has developed a third serious problem; a saggy leaf spring. I've got spares though so it's not the end of the world. She hasn't roared her last yet that's for sure, I'll be destitute and desolate before that. And stolen from Dozy Rosie pocket full of Posey is this link to an article about Emo: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=566481&in_page_id=1879A prime cut of lamb from the article, as extracted and tenderised by the above lady, is rendered below for you. "Only after her death would they discover how she had secretly chatted online to emo followers all over the world, talking about death and of the "black parade" — a place where emos believe they go after they die."Rare that you have both tragedy and hilarity in one article. Mind you, darling, this is showbusiness! THe lights, oh, the audience... Now suck my cock or you don't get on stage. Peace and fun times x | | Thursday, May 15th, 2008 | | 1:50 pm |
| | 1:40 pm |
God everyone's doing stuff, it's freaking me out.
..either moving away, getting married, finishing courses and leaving, having children, getting houses or simply getting terminal illnessess. Mind you that's not really a choice.
Am I the only one not doing any of the above? Everyone's disappearing. Not me, I'm staying right here and finishing my novel. You know where to find me. |
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